5-28-06

Anger

I learned a lot from my mom. Though she’s not a member of this church, a lot of what she does is right in line with church teachings. For example, my mom used to visit teach, without knowing about a visiting teaching program. She would go and visit these people in nursing homes or who were homebound, and I would tag along as a young child. I would get a little bored as they had their adult conversations, and I often found myself playing with the lace curtains on the window or finding a place to put the cat while they talked. But even though I didn’t understand a lot of what was being said, I learned a lot about how we can treat each other, and how we can see each other.

A favorite scripture of mine is from Matthew 25:40, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” I thought a lot about that as a kid, and reflected upon the example of my mom. She visited the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, (not the naked though, as far as I can remember). She was a friend to those whom the rest of the world might have viewed as too lonely, boring, or in some other way rejected. She treated each of them as she would treat the Savior himself, with honor and dignity and this unlimited love, that we call charity. That taught me a great lesson, to see each person as I would see the Savior. Conversely, I also learned to see each person as the Savior sees us. We are each beautiful in his sight.

We are all part of Heavenly Father’s family, and we are all brothers and sisters. However, like in many families that I know, sometimes the children get into little squabbles. One child finishes off the Sugar Frosted Corn Flakes, and doesn’t leave any for the other child. One child sits too closely to another child in the backseat of the car and soon elbows are flying. One child pulls another child’s hair. One child says something hurtful to another child. One child drives too slowly in the fast lane. One child curses, hates, despitefully uses, and persecutes.

President Howard W. Hunter once asked us, “How are we supposed to act when we are offended, misunderstood, unfairly or unkindly treated, or sinned against? What are we supposed to do if we are hurt by those we love, or are passed over for promotion, or are falsely accused, or have our motives unfairly assailed? Do we fight back? Do we send in an ever-larger battalion? Do we revert to an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, or, as Tevye says in Fiddler on the Roof, do we come to the realization that this finally leaves us all blind and toothless?”

To answer those questions, the Savior taught us to “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

Nobody ever in the history of mankind was more unrighteously offended than the Savior. He was spat upon, beaten with studded whips, and eventually executed in the most humiliating and painful way that the Romans could conceive. The Romans thought it would be a good deterrence to crime to punish and humiliate criminals publicly. The convict would walk though town, carrying his own cross of execution, be nailed to it and hung there, where he would eventually suffocate under his own weight. While he was nailed there and dying he was stripped of his clothes and mocked by people passing by. The Savior was convicted and went through all of this because he told the people the loving truth. Talk about having his motives unfairly assailed. But throughout this experience he continued in perfect love, healing the ear of the Roman guard, comforting another convict as that person lay dying on the cross next to his, and pleading to the Father to forgive these people, because they didn’t know what they were doing. They didn’t realize they were crucifying him who loved them more than anyone. The Savior set the perfect example, and we are required to follow that example.

Jesus explained, “My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were sorely chastened. Wherefore I say unto you that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”

Furthermore, Joseph Smith taught us that, “If we would secure and cultivate the love of others, we must love others, even our enemies as well as our friends. Christians should cease wrangling and contending with each other, and cultivate the principles of union and friendship in their midst.

Why would the Savior and his prophets give us this challenging doctrine? As a young man, Brother Vern Crowley said he learned something of the crucial lesson the Prophet Joseph had taught the early Saints in Nauvoo when he told them to "love others, even our enemies as well as friends." This is a good lesson for each of us.

After his father became ill, Vern Crowley took responsibility for running the family wrecking yard, although he was only fifteen years of age. Some customers occasionally took unfair advantage of the young man, and parts were disappearing from the lot overnight. Vern was angry and vowed to catch someone and make an example of that person. Vengeance would be his.

Just after his father had started to recover from his illness, Vern was making his rounds of the yard one night at closing time. It was nearly dark. In a distant corner of the property, he caught sight of someone carrying a large piece of machinery toward the back fence. He ran like a champion athlete and caught the young thief. His first thought was to take out his frustrations with his fists and then drag the boy to the front office and call the police. His heart was full of anger and vengeance. He had caught his thief, and he intended to get his just dues.

Out of nowhere, Vern's father came along, put his weak and infirm hand on his son's shoulder, and said, "I see you're a bit upset, Vern. May I handle this?" He then walked over to the young would-be thief and put his arm around his shoulder, looked him in the eye for a moment, and said, "Son, tell me, why are you doing this? Why were you trying to steal that transmission?" Then, with his arm still around the youth, he started walking toward the office, asking questions about the young man's car problems as they walked. By the time they had arrived at the office, the father said, "Well, I think your clutch is gone, and that's what's causing your problem."

In the meantime, Vern was fuming. “Who cares about his clutch?” he thought. “Let's call the police and get this over with.” But his father just kept talking. "Vern, get him a clutch. Get him a throwout bearing, too. And get him a pressure plate. That should take care of it." The father handed the parts to the young man who had attempted the robbery and said, "Take these. And here's the transmission, too. You don't have to steal, young man. Just ask for it. There's a way out of every problem. People are willing to help."

Brother Vern Crowley said he learned an everlasting lesson in love that day. The young man came back to the lot often. Voluntarily, month-by-month, he paid for all of the parts Vic Crowley had given him, including the transmission. During those visits, he asked Vern why his father was the way he was and why he did what he did. Vern told him something of their Latter-day Saint beliefs and how much his father loved the Lord and loved people. Eventually the would-be thief was baptized. Vern later said, "It's hard now to describe the feelings I had and what I went through in that experience. I too was young. I had caught my crook. I was going to extract the utmost penalty. But my father taught me a different way."

A different way? A better way? A higher way? A more excellent way? Oh, how the world could benefit from such a magnificent lesson. As Moroni declares: "Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, . . . in the gift of his Son hath God prepared a more excellent way." (Ether 12:4, 11.)

President Hunter taught us that, “the world in which we live, whether close to home or far away, needs the gospel of Jesus Christ. It provides the only way the world will ever know peace. We need to be kinder with one another, more gentle and more forgiving. We need to be slower to anger and more prompt to help. We need to extend the hand of friendship and resist the hand of retribution. In short, we need to love one another with the pure love of Christ, with genuine charity and compassion and, if necessary, shared suffering, for that is the way God loves us.”

It is my testimony that as we fill our hearts with charity, any feelings of anger will naturally dissipate, as the darkness escapes as you turn a light on in a room. The Savior has told us to “cease to find fault one with another, and above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace.”

How do we obtain these feelings of the pure love of Christ? Sometimes, these feelings do not come naturally. Mormon counseled people in the synagogue if they struggled to have these feelings of charity to “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love. Charity is a gift from our Father, and he loves to give us good gifts. So just ask Him. We also increase feelings of charity as we get to know each other through coming to church together on Sundays and then serving each other throughout the week.

The Savior provided us with a discourse that is particularly beloved and famous, and has become known as the Sermon on the Mount. One of the many teachings in that sermon reminded us that “whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, “Raca,” shall be in danger of the council, and whosoever shall say, “Thou Fool,” shall be in danger of hell fire.

About 20 years ago, I had a roommate at the University of Maryland with whom I had occasional difficulties. One day he must have done something that I found to be particularly offensive and I called him a few things worse than “Thou Fool.” Twenty years later I still remember that. I cannot remember at all what he did wrong, but I do remember what I called him and it has been something of a scar, and I have a taste of what 20 years of hellfire may feel like. I may have been in the right, whatever our disagreement was, but that unfortunately doesn’t change the way I feel about the incident.

Shortly after I was baptized as a 22 year old, I went to Brigham Young University and learned a lot from the examples of people there. I remember one day I was standing in line waiting to buy some fudge or something, and the sales clerk was obviously feeling overwhelmed. I am sure I didn’t help matters as I observed this person’s incompetence at her job of selling me fudge, and thinking maybe she should enter a new line of work, when I happened to overhear the person standing behind me in line asking her very kind questions about how her day was, and displaying a very supportive and helpful attitude. I thought, “Why didn’t I act like that? Would that have been so hard, to recognize another person’s burdens and try to help lift them?” Eighteen years later, long after that fudge was eaten, I still remember that example.

Sometimes the squabbles can happen with those to whom we are the closest. Members of the same family can become very angry with each other and even stop talking to each other. Similarly even within our own ward or branch families within the church, we can have our feelings of disagreement. Some take so much offense that they stop their own progression and stop coming to church, as long as someone else is in the same building. We may disagree with how someone fulfills his or her calling, or what they say in a lesson, and let that affect us in a way that leaves us scarred and with feelings of hellfire.

While saying this, I do not mean to imply that we are to simply duck and avoid conflict when differences arise. We all have our own individual talents and experiences, and every once in a while we may find a teaching moment where we may need to give someone counsel, or we may need to be counseled. If necessary, we can help guide, teach, or correct others, but we need to do this without giving in to feelings of anger. When the Holy Ghost so moves us that it is necessary, we are to reprove betimes with sharpness (betimes meaning in a timely manner and with sharpness meaning sharply focused, focusing only on the problem and not bringing in a lot of extra baggage), and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved.

As a teacher, it is my job to help students with their math. When they make mistakes, I need to show them what they did wrong and what they can do better in the future. If they improperly bisect an angle, or forget to put in the least common denominator in a fraction, I could stand up there and angrily say, “You’re wrong” and slam my ruler on my podium. If I did, they would remember my anger long after they remember that the least common multiple of 4 and 6 is 12.

Similarly children may remember parental anger. The parent may think that they are teaching their child an important lesson, but often what the child is learning is to see feelings of love and trust driven away for that parent, replaced by feelings of fear and confusion. Less trust between child and parent will lead to less opportunity to teach and counsel in the future. Very few parental lessons are worth that. And very often, that same lesson could have been presented much more effectively in the spirit of love.

We need to remember that within the wards and branches where we will reside, that the church is run by volunteers. Inspired and set apart volunteers, but volunteers nonetheless. And we need to remember that none of us asked to hold the assignments that we currently hold, or to give talks and lessons, we simply agreed to take upon ourselves any service that was needed in the building up of the Kingdom of God on the earth. We need to sustain and support each other in these efforts.

On this Memorial Day weekend, let us remember the example that the Savior set. Let Him be your Master, and your Guide. We must at every opportunity ask, “What would Jesus do?” and then be more courageous to act upon that answer. We all have significant opportunity to practice Christianity, and we should try it at every opportunity. Let’s spend our days seeking out each other and seeing what we can do to help. As we do so, we will be blessed beyond measure, and it will bring us a happiness that will drive out any feelings of bitterness or ill will that have soured our lives before. We will become a Zion people, and the world will be blessed for it.

I say these things humbly in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Master, amen.